FAIL

FAIL
I’m bummed.  Actually, I’m way more than bummed.  I’m greatly disappointed in myself.  I let my frustrations get the best of me this morning.  I’m 99% sure Jackson forgot the turn of events as soon as he walked through the school doors.  But my reaction to things left a bitter taste in my mouth.  I pulled into school with tears brimming.

My vexation almost always results from what I believe should, at this juncture, be routine.  I get flustered with things that Jackson and I (and his OT) have been working on for what seems like eternity.  To me, dressing (and undressing) should be almost second nature by now.  He’s five, for Pete’s sake.  Truth of the matter is, the act of getting dressed or undressed is simply not natural for Jackson.   When it comes to undressing, shoes are semi-doable, providing they’re Velcro and loose fitting.  He’s good with taking his socks off.  Pants?  If they have a fastener it’s a no-go.  Pull over shirts and tees?  Pretty good, but for the life of me I don’t understand how they become stuck on his head, which results in his spinning around in circles.  Getting dressed?  That’s very often, but not completely, a bust.  (Thank goodness we live in Florida where pull-on shorts, tees and bare feet are the norm.)  This morning’s debacle went something like this.  The jacket went on, yet again, without a shirt.  And the pants went on backward, replete with the zipper in back.  Really?  The zipper wasn’t a dead giveaway?  Doesn’t any of this seem strange or uncomfortable, Jackson?

All this happened after spending the first 40 minutes of my morning making futile attempts to literally physically extricate myself from the grasp of a whiny and whimpering munchkin.  He was bent on me not getting up this morning.  He was adamant I needed to come back to bed with him.  Unfortunately I needed to get to work today.  The end of the month is fast approaching and I have a lot to do between now and the 31st.  Plus, a shower was needed, as I hadn’t had one in a few days.  I know, TMI…

I lost it.  Not literally, but my jaw was set and my teeth were clenched as I set about undressing Jackson and getting him dressed and out the door.  He had to sense I was frustrated.  My touch wasn’t gentle.  It was hurried and silent.  I prayed aloud for the Holy Spirit’s calm to wash over me.  We made our way out the door and into the car and rode in silence for the nearly 25-minute commute to school.  Now here I sit.  My spirit is broken and I can’t think of anything I want to do more than race to school and scoop Jackson up and hug him.

I’m so grateful tomorrow will be a new day and I’ll get a do over.  And blessedly God’s grace and tender mercies will be new too.  Thank you, Lord, for not giving up on me.  I’m so unworthy, yet Your love is faithful day in and day out.   Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.

 Lamentations 3:22-24

22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”

 


4 thoughts on “FAIL

  1. Roxanne Wilcox

    Bobbi I understand but at another level. I have my step mom living with me. She was diagnosed with dementia we have our good days and then we have a bad one but God is always good and forgiving of us when we get frustrated with care giving of our loved ones young or old. Hang in there girl you are a saint in my book.

    Reply
    1. bobbie731 Post author

      My heart goes out to you, Roxanne. I can only imagine what you’re facing. I know others who’ve walked that path, and the strength and patience required is beyond what we as humans can muster up. You are so correct when you say God is always good and forgiving, and thankfully there to lift us up when the burden is too great for us to bare. I’m no saint, my dear friend, but I appreciate the kind sentiment. I’ve come to realize this parenting go round, that few things in life reveal our flaws more clearly or more easily than raising a child. I’ll be praying for you and your family, Roxanne. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do. I mean that. xoxo

      Reply
  2. Sandy

    Bobbie,
    We have all had days like these but most of us are not brave enough to write about them. Thank you for always being so open. You are a wonderful mother and Jackson is very blessed to have you! Tomorrow will be a better day!

    Reply
    1. bobbie731 Post author

      Thank you for your kind and sweet words, Sandy. And thank you for your honestly. The enemy always wants you to believe you singularly fall short on humanity’s measuring stick. 😉 xo

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s